Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize