I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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