it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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