We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
