no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
