he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
