the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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