I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He better not be in your backpack
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
