i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
