I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
