Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
