Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
