I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cut my penus on the lid.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
