New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize