If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
