the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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