Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
