I think I died a long time ago.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
