woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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