This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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