yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
