I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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