i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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