Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to sanitize my soul.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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