guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dignity is for republicans.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
