Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
