I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
