Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
