I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't turn off my feet"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
