No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
