i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
