you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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