So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
