Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
