No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
