Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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