i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
