So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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