dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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