she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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