It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
