Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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