he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
