it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
