P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
