i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize