you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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