You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
