A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
