I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
