he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
