it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
