Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize