Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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