he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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