apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize