Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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