My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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