I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
