dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
