the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
