the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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