She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
