i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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