I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
