You're completely useless in the revolution.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
