Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
