literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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