When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
