Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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